


only human

by itsbeenawhilebutistillfeelthesame



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: BI STEVE, Bi Mike Wheeler, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Confessions, F/M, Gay Will Byers, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Steve is bi, Underage Drinking, Use of Q slur, but it's Steve centric, did I mention Steve is bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsbeenawhilebutistillfeelthesame/pseuds/itsbeenawhilebutistillfeelthesame
Summary: A series of moments which build up to Steve realizing he's not as straight as he thought he was. Robin helps him come to terms with his sexuality.





	only human

**Author's Note:**

> This is incredibly self indulgent because I love Robin Buckley with my whole heart and wish I had her as a friend during my gay awakening and also because I am so here for bi Steve Harrington.

The first time was when Steve was four.

Brian and Steve were on the playground, and they agreed to play Hopscotch. Steve was an outwardly emotional person as a child. He believed emotion and excitement should be celebrated. Brian was his _bestest friend_ , and Steve was just so thrilled, he kissed him. He agreed to play _Hopscotch_ with him!

Brian jumped back after realizing what Steve had done, exclaiming “ew!”

Steve fell back onto his hands and did not understand what he did wrong. He was happy and excited, he liked Brian, and Steve knew his mom kissed his dad when they were happy.

The pair brushed it off like nothing happened and moved on to play their game of Hopscotch. Steve forgot about it before he could talk to anyone else about what happened. 

-

The second time he was confused was when he was 10. 

He was hanging out with his friends, Tommy, Eric, and Bobby. They were all talking about the girls they had crushes on, and Steve just didn’t understand why he didn’t find those girls attractive, or _any_ girls for a matter of fact.

They had nice hair and smelled sweet, but they kind of reminded him of his sister.

He thought he might like Stephanie, but he wasn’t quite sure. Maybe he just didn’t find the right girl yet. 

-

When Steve was 16, he fell in love with Nancy Wheeler. She was perfect. She had long brown hair and big dark eyes to match. She was smart, and knew everything that Steve didn’t.

Finding Nancy was everything, after all the confusion he went through with his love interests.

But when Nancy breaks up with him, Steve’s world is shattered. He thought everything was finally perfect and that he met his high school sweetheart. 

-  
Steve was 17 when he started having these thoughts. He thought that maybe if he ignored them, didn’t acknowledge them, that they would go away.

Last year, he learned what a _queer_ is. His dad said that they’re an abomination, that they aren’t allowed anywhere near his house. In simpler terms, a queer was a man who had sex with other men. 

He’s in the showers after basketball practice, and takes a peek at one of the other guys. Purely out of curiosity. Just once. When Steve sees the glistening bodies of his teammates, he turns his shower water cold and excuses himself as fast as he can. 

If he spends the majority of his next class wondering how his hands might feel running through a certain someone’s hair, nobody has to know. Steve’s thoughts are slightly scaring himself, but he’s not going to think about it. He’s not, because Steve Harrington is not queer. He does not want to have sex with men, or so he tries to convince himself.

-

Steve is laying on Nancy’s floor, like they always do. After the breakup, they agreed to remain friends and its worked out a lot better than Steve expected it to.

They’re talking about the upcoming Sadie Hawkins dance. Nancy is taking her new boyfriend, Jonathan. Once again, all of his friends are taking their respective significant other (with the exception of Jesse and Matthew, they’re taking _each other’s_ girlfriends which he doesn’t understand, but also just doesn’t think about.)

“I just don’t know who to ask,” responded Steve, puzzled.

“Steve, you could literally ask any girl in Hawkins and they’ll ditch their current date to go with you.”

Steve starts picking at his nails, a tic he’s had forever. “That’s not true.”

“You know it is,” Nancy retorts, not looking up from her Chemistry homework.

He starts to mentally assess all the girls he has classes with. “I can’t think of any girls who I could ask. The dance is in a week, so most of them already have it figured out anyway.”

“Whatever you say, Steve.”

-

Life after the Demogorgon and everything from the upside down was weird, to say the least. At that point, Steve learned to expect the unexpected and stop questioning everything. 

That is what led Steve to be drunk on a Wednesday with Jonathan Byers.

They’re in the kitchen getting snacks when Will and Mike run down the hall, a little closer than normal. Were they holding hands? Are Steve’s eyes playing tricks on him?

Alcohol takes away most people’s filter, and Steve is included in the majority here. He can sense that when words are leaving his mouth faster than he can stop them when he says “Hey is your brother like… queer?” It comes out as a rushed whisper.

Jonathan, practically sobering up almost immediately, responds “What would it matter if he was?” crossing his arms, defensively. 

Shit.

Steve has made himself look like a judgmental asshole when, in all honesty, he’s just curious. He knows being queer is wrong, but deep down, he doesn’t really see what’s so bad about it. And if his wet dreams and wandering eyes in the showers have something to do with that, nobody needs to know.

“No, no, Jon I didn’t mean it like that,” Steve begins, inching closer to him with his hands held up.

That isn’t enough of a redemption, and the tension in the kitchen is increasing.

Steve picks his drink up off the counter and downs the rest of it. False sense of confidence and all that. “Look I know like, people don’t really accept that around here. Being queer.”

Leaning against the corner counter in the kitchen, Jonathan snaps, “you don’t say?”

“And I know I called you queer when we had our fight in the alleyway but,” Steve trails off.

“But what?”

“But.. I don’t know. Just forget it. For the record, I wouldn’t have a problem if Will, or anyone, were queer.” He picks up his chips and walks back down the hall to Jonathan’s room, where they were having a movie marathon.

-

It’s a few months after that interaction in the kitchen, which was never spoken of again, when Steve is babysitting Mike Wheeler. When Steve was 12, he was able to stay home alone, but at the same time his parents are never really around.

They’re sitting on the floor in the living room, sampling all the different ice creams the Wheelers had in the fridge, watching ET on VHS. Babysitting Mike feels less like babysitting and more like hanging out with the little brother he never had.

The movie is halfway through when Mike speaks up. “Steve?”

“Yeah dude?”

“You loved Nancy, right?” Mike asks. 

The last thing Steve wanted to do was talk about his love life, especially with his ex’s younger brother. “Yeah, Mike. I did.”

“I think I used to love El, but there’s someone else now.” Mike sounds nervous, like he’s saying something he shouldn’t. Steve never had an older brother he could turn to, and he wants to be that for Mike.

“Yeah? Who?” Steve hopes he sounds interested. Confrontation wasn’t his favorite pastime. 

Mike opens and closes his mouth several times, but no words come out. He wipes his palms on his jeans, and Mike mutters something barely above a whisper.

“What?” Steve repositions himself, fully facing Mike now, hoping that he can get a better listen.

Mike twists his fingers together, head hung low. “It’s Will.”

Shit. _Shit._

Steve wasn’t exactly expecting that, but he also wasn’t surprised. Mike and Will were closer than any other members of the Party. Steve wants to be progressive. His parents aren’t, most of Hawkins isn’t, and he knows the world is always changing so he might as well get on board with it. He’s never been good at learning in the classroom, so maybe he can be out of the classroom. 

Steve isn’t sure how many times his mouth opens and closes before he gets any words out. Then he remembers this isn’t about him, it’s about Mike. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Mike.” Steve attempted to comfort the boy.

“What?”

“Look I-,” Steve stumbles. “You’re not the only one in Hawkins who’s queer.” The word feels foreign on his tongue. 

“Are- are you queer, Steve?”

“What? _No_! I’m not queer.” He might be a little bit, but he’s still figuring that out, and this isn’t the time or place to voice his concerns of his own love life. “But that doesn’t mean I have issues with people who are.”

Steve hugs Mike, and it feels foreign, but something in his chest tells him that it’s what he needs.

“You’re a great kid, Mike, and I’m not just saying that. You have an incredible group of friends that honestly I wish I had when I was your age, and I know they will love you regardless of who you have a crush on.” Steve doesn’t know where that came from and he doesn’t think about whether or not it’s something he wishes someone would’ve said to him years ago. 

-

Steve and Robin are baking cookies in his kitchen for the Byers’ Christmas party. To be honest, he views them as his family, though he’s never admitted it to anyone.

They’re listening to the radio, both wearing ugly sweaters that belong to Robin, but only because she begged him to. Steve thinks this is what home feels like.

They’re both a few spiked eggnogs deep when Steve gets a rush of bravery. When he drinks, he thinks about Robin’s bathroom floor confession that followed his. Robin was one of the bravest people he’s ever met.

Steve is the first to break the silence of their rhythm. “Robin.”

“Steve,” she copies him.

“Have you ever done anything with a boy?”

Robin scoffs. “No, dingus. Have there been any boys for _you?_ ” She paints green icing on his nose with her finger.

 _No_ of course there haven’t been any boys. Why would there be, Steve’s not queer.

Or was he.

He inhaled, his breath was sharp and cold, but it wasn’t from the crisp air this time. It was because of a sudden realization. He likes boys.

It wasn’t rocket science per se. He knows he has unspeakable dreams about guys that he wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. He thinks that there might be queer people in his school. There were rumors that Jonathan was queer, but then he started dating Nancy. It just didn’t occur to him that there was a real possibility _he_ wasn’t straight.

“Steve? Anyone home up here?” She asks, tapping against her temple.

He throws back the rest of his drink and walks into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

Steve calls out Robin’s name, only to find that she’s followed him out of the kitchen and is lowering herself next to him.

“Robin. When did you know you were- that you,” he stumbles over his words, but is determined to get all of them out. “When did you realize you liked girls?” 

She hums softly. “Hmm,” staring off above Steve’s head, intently.

“It’s kind of a long story,” she begins, looking him in the eyes. “but, we have time.” Robin repositions herself, legs crossed in front of her on the couch, facing Steve, while he sinks as far into the couch cushions as possible.

“I think I started to see it when I was about 12.” Steve can’t help but think that she was so _young_. “I would see all these older girls and I couldn’t tell if I looked up to them and wanted to be them or I wanted to date them.” She recounts the confusing times where she would have sleepovers with her middle school best friends and they would talk about boys and she couldn’t be any less interested.

Steve’s got his arms crossed, but his eyes are locked on Robin, giving her his full attention. “And all the girls are always going on about Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles but all I could think about was Samantha Baker.” Steve knows what she means. He just finds both of them attractive, although he’s never admitted that to anyone. 

Robin cracks a small smile, wider on the right side, giving her eye more wrinkles than the left. “And I told you about Tammy Thompson.” Steve will never forget their exchange on the dirty bathroom floor, despite the intoxication. Why do they both have to be intoxicated to talk about their feelings? Steve will figure that out later. Or maybe Robin will, because she figured out the Russian code and that she likes girls.

He realizes they never finished their conversation from the kitchen, because he stormed out of the room. “Robin,” he begins again. She nods toward him, indicating he can continue. Steve starts picking at the skin around his nails, something he’s always done when he’s nervous. “I like guys.” And suddenly it’s out there. The three little words are in the universe, even if Robin is the only other person to hear them. 

“I still like girls too!” Steve quickly adds. “I like both?” He phrases it like a question, still unsure of whether or not this is allowed.

“And I think I’ve always known. I just haven’t admitted it to myself.” Steve cannot look Robin in the eyes at this moment. He is looking everywhere but at her. His mind is recounting his forbidden dreams, the time he kissed Brian at recess, and times he’s stolen second (and maybe third) glances at guys on the football team.)

Robin takes this as her cue to respond, as to not let Steve flood his mind with thousands of other thoughts. “Sounds to me like you just did.” It’s not malicious or trying to twist his words. She’s encouraging him to accept what he’s just said to her.

Steve stares at her, mouth gaping open wide. “If I had known you sooner I- I think things would have gone differently for me.”

“We’ll never know,” she reassures him. “But I’ll always be here. Remember, Scoops Troop got your dup.”

And that in itself is enough to overwhelm Steve, because Robin isn’t the only member of Scoops Troop, there’s Dustin, who is practically his little brother, and he isn’t anywhere near ready to tell him yet.

Robin runs off the couch, and at first Steve is confused and feels alone until he smells burning cookies and hears an annoying beeping, and chases after her into the kitchen.

There are still bigger problems than who Steve thinks about kissing.

**Author's Note:**

> Dupa is Polish for butt. 
> 
> Kudos/comments/feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> Let me know what you liked or didn't or if there's any holes or it was rushed!


End file.
